Off KilterAugust 13, 2010 by Victoria Strong
So I am having one of those weeks. I just feel spent, emotional, lump in the throat. Gwendolyn is doing okay -- not 100% yet -- but thank goodness not going down hill. We have had a few choking scares and I don't think I will ever get used to saving my daughter's life. And there is the anxiety of something more lurking. All of it just makes me feel off kilter. We live a life of tightrope walking -- balancing being a regular parent and exposing Gwendolyn to a life of meaningful experiences, navigating her special needs in a world that doesn't really know what to do with someone quite this special, and living with the constant painful reminders that our time with Gwendolyn has an expiration date. I know, I know -- we all have an expiration date. But to live every day as if it may be the last time I kiss my precious child...well, it is different and it is painful. I always say that I am fine when Gwendolyn is fine. When she is off, well, the mortar holding us all together starts to crack. And when that happens my mind wanders to the thoughts of how am I going to cope without her. And, well, that just makes me feel exhausted. We are laying low this weekend. Catching up on sleep. Hoping to do something special for Gwendolyn since she's been cooped up. Hoping Gwendolyn feels up to it. And the big plan is just to be together as a threesome. I always feel better when I'm surrounded by my favorite two people.PS - On top of the Mr. Stickies, this week Gwendolyn also hyper-extended her knee going down the twisty, twisty slide with Daddy. Daddy is just a bit too big and her little knee got tweaked...although the twisty slide is her favorite! This happened on Saturday and she is still in a lot of pain, so we took her to the doctor yesterday and now she gets to wear the big ace bandage. Poor munchkin.